Clean Jokes for 8-Year-Olds
171 free, clean jokes hand-picked for 8-year-olds: eight-year-olds graduate to groan-worthy puns and ‘so bad it’s good’ humor. Tap any joke to reveal the punchline.
School Jokes (20)
What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A smartie pants
Why was the student’s report card wet?
Because it was below C level.
Why did the clock go to the principal’s office?
For tocking too much!
What do librarians take with them when they go fishing?
Bookworms
What starts with a T, ends with a T, and is full of T?
A teapot.
What’s the king of the pencil case?
The ruler.
Do fish go on vacation?
No, because they’re always in school!
Why did the music student get sent to the principal’s office?
Because she got in treble
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore
What was the bird’s favorite type of math?
Owl-gerbra
You know what seems odd to me?
Numbers that can’t be divided by two
Where is a math teacher’s favorite vacation spot?
Times Square
Why did the dog do so well in school?
Becasse he was a teacher’s pet
Why did the teacher jump in the pool?
She wanted to test the water
What time is it when Godzilla shows up in class?
Time to run!
What kind of school do surfers go to?
Boarding School
What did one pencil say to the other on the first day of school?
Looking Sharp
What is the blackboard’s favorite drink?
Hot Chalk-o-late
Why should you never argue with a 90-degree angle? They are always right.
They are always right.
Why was the geometry teacher late to class? She sprained her angle.
She sprained her angle.
Animal Jokes (20)
What do you say to a sweaty puppy?
You are one hot dog!
What do sheep do on sunny days?
Have a baa-baa-cue.
What is a shark’s favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!
What is a frog’s favorite summertime treat?
Hopsicles!
Why should you never blame a dolphin for doing anything wrong?
Because they never do it on porpoise!
When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?
When you’re a mouse.
What race is never run?
A swimming race.
Why didn’t the elephant buy a suitcase for his summer vacation?
Because he already had a trunk!
Where do sharks go on summer vacation?
Finland!
Where did the sheep go on vacation?
The Baa-hamas!
What is the difference between a pet tree and a pet dog?
The pet tree has a quieter bark.
What do you call a frozen dog?
A pupsicle.
What is a dog that sneezes?
A-choo-wawa.
What time do ducks wake up?
The quack of dawn
What do you call a pig who does karate?
Porkchop
What did the pig say on a hot summer day?
I’m Bacon
What do pequins call their offspring?
Chill-dren
My pet frog broke his leg this morning
He’s very unhoppy
What did the duck say when she bought lipstick?
Put it on my bill
What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
Bugs Bunny
Ocean & Pirate Jokes (12)
What tool will you use to cut the sea?
The SEA-SAW.
What do you get if you cross a stegosaurus with a firework?
Dino-myte.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
You stole my thunder!
What did the little firecracker say to the big firecracker?
Hi pop
Why did the firework become a teacher?
Because it wanted to "spark" curiosity in students.
How do you communicate with a fish?
You drop it a line
How are bad grades like a ship wreck?
They’ve both below sea level’
Why did the detectives show up at the beach concert?
They heard something fishy was going on
Why don’t seashells take showeres?
They wash up on the beach
How do fish get to school?
The octobus
Why do calculators make great friends?
You can always count on them
What does a clam do on his birthday?
He shellabrates.
Nature Jokes (24)
How do mountains keep themselves warm in the winter?
Snowcaps
What did one tree say to the other when Spring showed up?
What a re-leaf!
Why don’t they play card games in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs
What is an old snowman called?
A puddle
What do you get when you plant kisses?
Tu-lips
Why do trees hate tests?
Because they get stumped
Where do seals go to see movies>
The Dive in
How does a snowman get to work?
By icicle.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes
What do you call a snowman having a temper tantrum?
A meltdown
What do you call a snowman’s dog?
A Slush puppy
Why was the sowman rummaging throught the bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose
What do you call a snowman without a carrot?
Nobody nose
What did the weatherman say about the blizzard?
Its snow joke out there!
What did the snowflake say to the fallen leaf?
"You’re so last season."
What is the best day to go to the beach?
Sunday
What breed of dog can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work!
What do you call a bear in the rain? ]
A drizzly bear.
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
The don’t meet the koalafications
What do you get when you cross a poodle, a cocker spaniel and a rooster?
A cocker-poodle-doo
Why can’t you trust a jungle cat?
He’s a cheetah. It he says he’s not, he’s Lion.
Why does the farmer not tell pigs secrets?
Because it’ll probably squeal
What did the mom flower say to the little flower?
Hi, bud!
Food Jokes (13)
Where do fruits go on vacation?
Pearis
What’s a vegetable’s favorite kind of joke?
A corny one
What do gingerbread men use to make their beds?
Cookie sheets
What kind of table you can eat?
Vegetable
What did the hamburger name its daughter?
Patty
What do you get if you cross a cow with a Smurf?
Blue cheese
What part of your lunch makes you sleepy?
The nap-kin
What do cakes have in common with baseball teams?
They both need a good batter.
What kind of birthday cake did Peter Pan want?
a Pancake
Why did the oreo go to the dentist?
It lost its filling
What is a cucumber’s favorite instruement?
A Pickle-o
Why was the baby jalepeno shivering?
He was a little chili
What position did the pumpkin play on the basketball team?
Point gourd
Music Jokes (12)
What musical keys do cows sing in?
Beef flat
How do you fix a cracked tuba?
With a tuba glue
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes
What do you call a cow who can play music?
A moo-sician
What type of music do bunnies like?
Hip-hop
What makes pirates such great singers?
They can hit the high C’s
What is the most musical bone?
The Trombone
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-na-naaaa
What do you say when a Kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoonteit
What’s a pirate’s favorite musical instrument?
a Guit-aaarrrr!
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio
What’s a robot’s favorite music?
Heavy Metal
Holiday Jokes (14)
What is an elf’s favorite food?
Elf habet soup
Where do Chrismas trees go to learn
Elemen’ tree school
Why was the Easter bunny grumpy?
He was having a bad hare day
What do you call two witches sharing an apartment?
Broommates
What kind of music to mummies listen to?
Wrap music
What does a gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet
Where do ghosts go on holiday?
LAke Eerie
Why do turkeys love rainy days?
They love fowl weather.
What did the turkey say to the hunter on Thanksgiving?
"Quack"
How do turkeys cross the ocean?
On a gravy boat
What do an angry bunny and an NBA dunk champion have in common?
Mad hops.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus on Valentine’s Day?
I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!
Why do melons have to get married in church?
Because they cantaloupe.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts
Sports Jokes (18)
What did the football say to the punter?
I get a kick out of you!
Why can’t basketball players go on vacation?
They would get called for travelling
Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer?
They watch cricket instead.
What is it called when a dinosaur scores a goal?
A dino-score
I’ve got a great idea for an NBA-themed fast-food restaurant.
I’ll call it Shake-Shaq.
What did the receiver say to the football?
Catch you later
Why do football coaches like punters?
Because punters always put their best foot forward.
What do you call a boat full of polite athletes?
A good sportsman-ship.
Which insect is the worst at football?
A Fumble Bee
Why was the pig ejected from the baseball game?
For playing dirty
What are successful kickers always trying to do?
Reach Goals
What New Year’s resolution should a basketball player never make?
To travel more
Why are ghosts best at defense in basketball?
They are great at getting through screens
What type of cheese that likes to shoot hoops?
Swiss
If Shaquille O’Neal was a shade of blue, what shade would he be?
Shaquille O’Teal.
What type of earrings does a basketball player wear?
Hoops
What do you call a pig who plays basketball?
A ball hog
Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
To stay in shape.
Riddles & One-Liners (13)
What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?
The letter D
Two football teams play a game against each other. The home team wins, but not a single man from either team scored a goal. How can this be?
They were women’s teams.
What goes all around a football field but never moves?
A Fence
What runs along the edge of the field during a football game but never moves?
The sideline.
What’s the difference between George Washington and a duck?
One has his face on a bill, the other has a bill on his face.
Which word becomes shorter after you add two letters to it?
Short
What has a head and tail but no body?
A coin.
Where will you find Friday before Thursday?
A dictionary.
What are ten things you can always count on?
Your fingers.
I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
The past the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Never leave alphabet soup on the stove too long. It could spell disaster!
My teacher always taught us ouble negatives were a big no-no
More Jokes (14)
Who is the world’s greatest underwater secret agent?
James Pond.
Why wouldn’t the crab share his sweets?
Because he was a little shellfish
What did one light bulb say to the other?
Watts Up?
What did the police officer say when he saw the snowman stealing?
Freeze!
Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?
Because he’s a pain in the neck
Why is 2+2 = 5 like your left foot?
It’s not right
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
How do trees get on the internet?
They log on.
Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
He felt rotten.
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
A pumpkin patch.
What did the sick pumpkin say?
I don’t feel so gourd
Where do polar bears vote?
The North Poll.
What do snowmen call their kids?
Chill-dren.
Why did the farmer plant $100 bills?
To make his soil rich.
Knock-Knock Jokes (11)
Knock Knock
Owls
Knock, knock! Who’s there?
Tank. Tank who? You’re welcome.
Knock, knock! Who’s there?
Woo. Woo who? Glad you’re excited, too.
Knock knock. Who’s there?
Wah. Wah who? It’s-a me, Mario!
Knock knock. Who’s there?
Pecan. Pecan who? Pecan somebody your own size!
Knock knock. Who’s there?
Radio. Radio who? Radio not, here I come!
Knock knock. Who’s there?
Wafer. Wafer who? Wafer me – I’m coming!
Knock knock. Who’s there?
Spell. Spell who? W-h-o.
Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Needle. Needle who? Needle little help right now!
Knock, knock! Who’s there?
Figs. Figs who? Figs the doorbell
Knock, knock! Who’s there?
Eyesore. Eyesore who? Eyesore do love you.
The Best Jokes Every 8 Year Old Should Know
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