Clean Jokes for 11-Year-Olds
171 free, clean jokes hand-picked for 11-year-olds: eleven-year-olds are on the edge of middle school and their humor is sharp. Tap any joke to reveal the punchline.
Jokes About Jobs (13)
Did you hear how the personal trainer quit their job?
They gave their too weak notice
What do you call babies in the army?
Infantry
Why did the biologist break up with the physicist?
They had no chemistry
Why did the nurse have a red crayon?
To draw blood
What kind of job can you get at a bicycle factory?
Spokesperson
What did the meteorologist say when they tried to catch fog in their hands?
"I mist."
Did you hear about the rancher who had 97 cows in his field?
When he rounded them up, he had 100!
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the "no-bell" prize!
How do lumberjacks know how many trees they’ve cut down?
They keep a log
How do subway conductors know where to go?
Training
What do you call a magician who’s lost his magic?
Ian.
Why did the Scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
If a butcher wears a size XL shirt and a size 13 shoe, what does he weigh?
Meat.
Food Jokes (17)
Why was the cookie so sad?
Because his mom was a wafer so long
What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with a computer?
Pine-Apple
Which vegetable do sailors hate the most?
Leeks
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
A Strawberry
What do you call Chewbacca with cookies in his beard?
A chocolate chip Wookie
What did the grape say when he was pinched?
Nothing, he gave a little wine.
What does a condiment wizard perform?
Saucery
How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side!
What’s a noodle’s favorite action movie?
Mission impastable
What was the math teacher’s favorite dessert?
Pie
What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Quit stalking me
What candy do you eat on the playground?
Recess pieces
How did the Burger King propose to his girlfriend?
With an onion ring.
Why did the jellybean go to school?
To become a Smartie.
What was the tortilla chip’s favorite hobby?
Salsa Dancing
Which friends should you take to lunch?
Your taste buds.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese on its birthday?
You feta have a gouda birthday.
Math Jokes (13)
What do you call two guys who love math?
Algebros!
Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated?
Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? A. Because it’s never right
What do you call guys who love math?
Algebros
How do you stay warm in any room?
Go to the corner-it’s always 90 degrees.
Why should you never trust someone writing on graph paper?
Because they must be plotting something!
Why is the obtuse triangle always frustrated?
Because it’s never right!
What did the 90° angle say after an argument?
"It turns out, I was right!"
Why do plants hate math?
Because it’s full of square roots!
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them!
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
Because his parents wouldn’t cosine!
What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place?
A roamin’ numeral!
Did you know that 10 + 10 and 11 + 11 are the same? It’s true!
10 + 10 = 20 and 11 + 11 equals twenty too!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th!
History Jokes (7)
What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?
Tea-shirts
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
On the bottom of the page.
What did the flag do when it lost its voice?
It just waved.
Why is there no knock-knock joke about America?
Because freedom rings
What did King George think of the American colonists?
He thought they were revolting.
How did Louis XIV feel after completing the Palace of Versailles?
Baroque.
Why is history like a fruit cake?
It’s full of dates.
School Jokes (9)
What did the student say when the teacher asked why he missed the first day of school?
Actually Ma’am I didn’t miss it at all
What did the English teacher like to eat for breakfast?
Synonym rolls
Where do math teachers go on vacation?
Times Square
How much do neutrons cost?
Nothing, they’re free of charge
What’s the easiest way to get straight A’s?
Use a ruler
The thermometer says what to the graduated cylinder.
You have graduated, but I have more degrees than you.
What was Socrates’ favorite thing to mold?
Play dough (Plato).
Why did the reader give up on Pride and Prejudice?
The characters were too Austentatious.
Why did Shakespeare only write in pen?
He couldn’t decide which type of pencil to use-a 2B or not 2B
Animal Jokes (15)
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
Irrelephant
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant!
What do you call an ant who fights crime?
A vigilante!
What do you call an exploding monkey?
A Bab-boom.
How to bears keep cool?
They use bear-conditioning.
What kind of cat likes living in water?
An octo-puss.
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant!
What kind of jobs do funny chickens have?
They are comedi-hens!
What did one DNA strand say to the other?
Does my bum look big in these genes?
What do dogs and phones have in common
Collar ID
What’s the difference between a cat and a sentence?
One has claws at the end of its paws, the other has a pause at the end of its clause.
What’s the best way to watch a fishing tournament?
Live stream
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A cat-has-trophy.
More Jokes (33)
When is a door not a door?
When its ajar
Why did the iPhone walk into the water?
He was wading for a phone call
What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
He got marooned!
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to school?
His heart just wasn’t in it.
What do you get when you divide a Jack o’ lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi
Why do teenagers travel in groups of threes and fives?
Because they can’t even!
What did the family say when they lost 25% of their roof?
Oof
Why are elevator jokes so good?
They work on many levels!
Why did it take so long for a man to eat a clock?
It was very time-consuming.
What do you call it when Hagrid takes a ceramics class?
Hairy Potter
Why do couples who go to the gym together never break up?
They always work it out
What did one tectonic plate say to another when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, my fault
What part of a car needs the most sleep?
The muffler, it’s always exhausted
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
What happens when you wear a snow suit inside?
It melts all over the carpet.
How do you drown a Hipster?
In the mainstream.
Why do rappers need umbrellas?
Fo’ drizzle.
Waiter! Waiter! This coffee tastes like soil.
Yes, sir, it was ground this morning.
How did the yeti feel when he had flu?
Abominable.
Why did the opera singer go on a cruise?
She wanted to hit the high Cs.
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
Why do pimples make the worst kinds of prisoners?
Because they keep breaking out all the time!
Why don’t you make friends with vampires?
Because they’re pains in the neck
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He had pizza before it was cool
Which is the best day to go to the beach?
Sunday
What is orange and red and full of disappointment?
High school pizza
Why did the singer go sailing?
Because she wanted to get on high C’s.
What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?
Feyoncé.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman
What do you get when you cross Captain America with the Incredible Hulk?
The star-spangled banner.
Why did the firecracker go to the hair salon?
It needed to trim its bangs.
Why should’t you trust trees?
They seem kinda shady
Geography Jokes (4)
What do you call a French man in sandals?
Phillipe Phloppe.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!
What world capital has the fastest growing population?
Ireland. The capital is Dublin every day
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars
Sports Jokes (16)
Where do sports teams go to buy new uniforms?
New Jersey.
What is harder to catch the faster you run?
Your breath!
What’s a golfer’s favorite letter?
Tea!
What is a Cheerleader’s favorite food?
Cheerios!
How do hockey players prefer to be paid?
With a check.
Why did the ballerina quit?
Because it was tu-tu hard!
Why is tennis such a loud sport?
The players raise a racquet.
Where do they keep the largest diamond in New York City?
Yankee Stadium.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later!
Why don’t you ever date a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to them
Why do hockey players so good with their finances?
Because they are great at checking
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast!
Why did the football coach yell at the vending machine?
They wanted their quarter back!
What is common between Messi and a magician?
Both have plenty of HAT-TRICKS
A pitcher raises only one leg when throwing a ball. Why?
If they raise both the legs, they will fall down.
How do baseball players stay connected?
They touch base every now and then.
Video Game Jokes (16)
Why is French Mario so good at predicting the future?
He uses his L’ouija board
What does a gamer use to make bread?
Ninten-dough.
Why can’t PC gamers use Uber?
Too many incompatible drivers.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George?
2 Fast 2 Curious
What do you say when you lose a nintendo game?
I want a wii-match!
Why did the Xbox One eat its cereal for breakfast, but not its pancakes?
It had the spoon, but not the 4k.
What do Americans do after winning the World Cup?
Turn off the PlayStation.
What game do you play after eating Taco Bell?
Fartnite.
Why doesn’t Mario like to use the internet?
He’s afraid of the Browsers.
What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?
"It’s not you; it’s a me, Mario!"
I recently broke up with my video game console…now it’s my ex-box.
It was nothing personal, it was just time for a Switch.
It would be so nice if Sonic added an E to the end of his name
Yesterday I got an Xbox for my little brother. Best trade ever!
I asked a Nintendo fan to help me change a light bulb. He wasn’t very helpful, he just kept playing with the switch.
What did the leprechaun say when the video game ended?
Answer: Game clover!
How do Minecraft players celebrate?
They throw block parties
Riddles & One-Liners (28)
What is that one thing that you can never throw but always catch?
It’s your breath.
Kate’s mother has three children: Snap, Crackle and ___?
Kate! It’s Kate’s mother, after all.
I go up and down, but never move. What am I?
A staircase.
Who shaves multiple times a day and still has a beard?
The barber.
Light travels faster than sound; we all know that. What can it mean?
That most people look bright before you hear them speak.
You’re running a race and at the very end, you pass the person in 2nd place. What place did you finish the race in?
You finished in 2nd place
What has thirteen hearts, but no other organs?
A deck of cards.
Which word becomes shorter when you add 2 letters to it?
The word "short."
Sharks belong to which place?
Finland
Two fathers and 2 sons spent the day fishing, but only caught 3 fish. This was enough for each of them to have one fish. How is this possible?
There were only 3 people fishing. There was one father, his son, and his son’s son. This means there were 2 fathers and 2 sons, since one of them is a father and a son.
Mrs. Brown has 5 daughters. Each of these daughters has a brother. How many children does Mrs. Brown have?
They have 6 children. Each daughter has the same brother. There are 5 daughters and 1 son
There are 3 apples in the basket and you take away 2. How many apples do you have now?
You have 2 apples. You took away 2 apples and left 1 in the basket.
Zoey has a very big family. She has 20 aunts, 20 uncles and 50 cousins. Each of her cousins has an aunt who is not Zoey’s aunt. How is this possible?
Their aunt is Zoey’s mom!
I am an odd number. Take away a letter and I become even. What number am I?
Seven.
What has four legs but can’t walk?
A table
I Try To Tell Chemistry Jokes But….theres no reaction.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity…It’s impossible to put down!
If you clean a vacuum cleaner, you then become a vacuum cleaner.
I love pressing F5. It’s so refreshing.
Two silk worms had a race. It ended in a tie.
Someone stole my mood ring. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?
" He said, "Call for backup."
I thought I’d tell you a brilliant time-travel joke, but you didn’t like it.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. But two Wrights did make an airplane!
Dedication Page
To all the awesome 9-year-olds out there who know how to laugh loud and have fun. This book is for you! Keep being hilarious and never stop bringing the LOLs!
Request for reviews
We hope you enjoyed reading this book as much as we enjoyed creating it! Please consider leaving us a review where you purchased the book. If you have any jokes you’d like to share, we’d love to highlight them in our next book! Please send them to Bestjokesforkids@gmail.com. Scan the QR below to see the other books in our series.
The Best Jokes Every 11 Year Old Should Know
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